Hayley: Hello Gareth or should I call you Lancelot?!
Gareth: No, as Lancelot actually ran off with King Arthurs wife Guinivere. So just Gareth will be fine.
H: O, Okay! So Gareth, there have been lots of rumours of your involvement in a scuffle at Spring Harvest. Can you you tell us what actually happened?
G:Well Hayley, basically what happened was that I was walking back to my chalet at around midnight ish and saw just ahead of me a bit of an argument. To be honest, I wasn’t all that bothered about breaking up an argument but it turned into a bit of a fight between two guys and so I stepped in and told them to calm down and shut up. Then, as always, a girl is involved (as they are most of the time when guys fight!) and she ran over screaming at one of them and then being the *£$%£” that he was he went to hit her.
Now, in my humble (not so very clever) mind, that is unacceptable and deserves a good ol’ fashioned kicking. But being the (trying to be) good Christian that I am, I decided to just grab his arms and yell at him (in the non-swearing style!) and tell him to calm down and go home.
But the thing i haven’t told you all out there in interweb land is quite an important point. This guy was Scottish. No offence to all you Scot’s out there (Most of you are lovely) but as with the stereotype, this punk didn’t need fists to fight and so used his pea brain to give me a nice little headbutt.
At this point, I decided enough was enough and decided he should be on the ground. But, I had already decided not to beat the hell out of him (which I wanted to do) and not to punch him, I chose to just grab him by the neck and place him (ever so nicely) on the ground! Whilst in this little scuffle, he managed to get two cheap shots in but then was ever so sweetly put onto the ground and laid politely with my knee on his head.
H: Sounds like an eventful night! Was that the end of it then?
G: Not really my ginger ninja, after calming him down I sent him on his way. Then I saw a bit of blood on another guys arm who had been making sure I didn’t kill this guy when I had my knee on his head. I was a bit worried and asked him how he had cut himself in the scuffle. He replied with “That’s not my blood mate…that’s yours!” At this point, I was told that my eye was bleeding a bit and I should go inside the people I’d helped’s Chalet and clean up.
When I entered the bathroom, I expected to have a tiny little cut with a bit of blood but thanks the £$%”(! Scot who was wearing a Sovereign ring (probably from Argos…that chav!!) I had a massive cut just above my eye and my face (and my lovely Bench hoodie) was covered in blood.
H: Not the hoodie?!?! Is it okay now?
G: Thank you for your concern for my well being there mate but yeah the hoodie, thanks to my mum putting it in water with salt (Donno where there learn these things) all the blood came out and the hoodie is as good as new! So, don’t shed any tears for the hoodie guys!
H: Thats a relief! I can see that your eye (although bearing a scar) is fine now!
G: That is true young Hayley, my eye is all better, just now with a bad ass looking scar! And you know the saying “Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever!”
H: Good quote dude! Thanks for the exclusive interview, we can now lay the whole thing to rest! very proud of you for not hitting the guy back and I know from talking to the girls how grateful they were that you were there!
